Something that I hope lasts...

Most of you know that while Korea has been resplendently entertaining these last four months what with its never-ending parade of ethical and cultural surprises, I’ve been a pretty consistent naysayer, feeling every bit the sometimes lonely foreigner in a strange land. But…

Wait, before I go on. This post is not meant to catalogue Renee’s transition into Being A Happy Foreigner inKorea. Not by any means. Indeed, most mornings I still wake up looking like this:

(taken on New Years Day. I think the combination of the nauseous look on my face and the Smile Day shirt makes a pretty bold statement about how I’m starting out this new year. I think it says “I may be nauseous, but I’m still going to attempt a smile, damn it! Or at least attempt putting on a shirt that has the word ‘smile’ on it!”)

It’s come to my attention, however, that I’ve been complaining a lot. Last week I had a lovely dinner of shabu shabu with two of my closest friends here. It was a feast- I gorged myself on Korean pancakes, apple salad and fresher than fresh kimchi (yes, I honestly like the stuff.) We got to talking about the level of stress Korean life offers and how its affected us, individually. I heard myself say, “Yes—my stress level is much lower here, but the stress that is present is one made from the absence of things, not the presence.” Hazaah! The absence of things!

Could it be that the actual lack of something can wreak more psychological havoc than a real, existing presence of something? It seems it can, in Korea, for me.

That being said… whatever absences are currently wrecking my psychological wellbeing as a result of living here- its also afforded me the opportunity to have:

- Lovely, lovely friends. I will say there aren’t a lot of winners out here amongst the expat masses, but I’ve found several gems much to my overwhelming surprise

- more free time than I know what to do with

- a disposable income that allows me to take trips to places like Vietnam and Europe

- the opportunity to listen to more new music and watch even more movies than I did in the States

- to reflect in an unhurried state

I’m sure this passing ‘Korea doesn’t completely suck’ mood will soon drift into my bin of fickledom (and probably much too fast—it’s always the good moods that travel there the fastest.) – but for now I am weirdly content. For now. Certain amazing people will be leaving much too soon and will not allow me to have the ridiculously amazing weekend that I just had, but as someone wise told me once…perhaps I’d be better off actually enjoying the moment rather than dive into my all-too-frequent habit of being anticipatorily nostalgic.

I’m certainly going to work on it.